Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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