Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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