I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
