when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
