I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Randomize
