I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Randomize
