dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
