I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
