How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
