I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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