if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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