You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
