AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
