I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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