I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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