ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm always down for nudity.
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