Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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