It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
