I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
