okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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