A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
