maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
barbara walters just said penis...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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