If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
