No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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