Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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