I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
