My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
