the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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