I want you more than these girls want KFC
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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