I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
