She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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