I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
