So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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