Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
