he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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