At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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