I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
