I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
