You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
