apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
