Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize