I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
