I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
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I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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