I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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