obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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