I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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