im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
