I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
