Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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