Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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