worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
