grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
