That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you made out with another girl for some wings
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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