Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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