I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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