never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
