You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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