I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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