i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
