what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
