she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
