the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just had sex bonerless
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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