I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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