her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Girls should come with a carfax report
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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