so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize