hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
